A big purge

Actually, I probably let go of this a long time ago, but after piecing together some things, I realized I should have listened to reason and let go in the beginning. A real friend is not supposed to make you feel like scum just because he or she doesn't agree with you. A real friend doesn't gossip about you to people you don't know. A real friend will be around through thick or thin, and will always take the high road when dealing with issues.

This person hasn't been a real friend for a long time. And I just came to realize that this person was going through pretty much the same exact issues I was facing nearly two years ago, yet she kept it all to herself, at times making me feel like dirt because of my decisions, causing me to second guess myself time and time again.

What I wonder is: if this person were a true friend, how could she keep all of her own issues to herself when I was always honest and open with her?

She was always that type who talked about people. Who would make herself invisible in IM so that she didn't have to be friendly to people who annoyed her. She seemed friendly enough when interacting, only to turn and roll her eyes in digust. Yet, she would continue these sorts of relationships with people, though I have no idea why. Doesn't it take more energy to be so negative and poisonous?

Perhaps I was the idiot here. For when she was friends with me, I never thought twice about her behavior. I couldn't understand why she had to tell me personal bits of information about people. About so-and-so's odd sex life, or so-and-so's vacectomy, or so-and-so's relationship woes. These are people I knew of but didn't speak to, so perhaps she thought it was harmless to gossip about them to me.

But who would have thought that I would be that person. The one who she hid from in IM. Or worst yet, the one she'd talk about to other people. And what did I ever do to deserve that sort of treatment? I never told her secrets to anyone. I always tried to be there as a friend, and when I couldn't it was because I had my own problems to deal with. A real friend would understand that. Or at least that's what I would do.

Most people don't behave with malicious intent. I'd like to believe that things just happen to them with every day life and they'll be back when they're ready. I never thought anyone I know would purposely avoid talking to me, or worst yet, talk about me behind my back.

But I guess there are some people out there who are just plain jaded. They are miserable and expect the world to revolve around them. Why? Perhaps they don't get the attention they need from their own immediate family. I can easily feel sorry for someone who must be that lonely. But I don't understand the bitchiness that emerges from this. I don't understand how someone can be cruel. And really, just plain rude.

The end result is a clear indication of who is wrong, in my opinion. The person who has no friends, noone to turn to in times of need, is the one who should be questioned.

I'd like to think I'm just a normal gal who went through a rough spot at one time. Despite this, I never treated people differently. I don't try to be someone I'm not. I doubt this person will ever admit she has hurt anyone. But sadly, that sort of poison is left for other people who can stomach it. Life is too short to waste one's time on such misery.