The difference between now and then is back then I didn't have anything going on other than mommyhood. Now I have a photography business that is starting to take off. A gig at the gym. Girlfriends who love to sit around and drink wine and gossip.
Yet, I was willing to give up all of that just so the kids could grow up near their Dad.
However, I am starting to get those red flags. Saying things to me like, "GOSH I wish I had control of my life." in reference to his difficulty in making decisions because he has children to worry about, as though it suddenly occurred to him that he was a dad and had responsibilities that did not just revolve around him.
And here is the real zinger: we were planning on going through mediation next month. Fine by me. And it was about damn time. But now there is all this talk about moving to Chicago and I suggested we file for divorce in Chicago. He is insisting that we do it here. Reason being... he is entitled to FAR less child support. A dismal amount really. This was something I was willing to accept. I'd get on my feet, which I am finally doing now, and I'd manage wonderfully and finally become more independent.
But something doesn't add up. The cost of living in Chicago is SIGNIFICANTLY higher than it is here. So basically he is hoping to get away with paying less while we live in a place that requires more. Does he really think I'm that stupid??
And to add to this whole thing. I asked that he be as supportive as possible while I get resettled YET AGAIN. Because I am responsible for the kids full time (yes, he comes by MWF to hang out with them but none of this actually entails any thought into planning out the kids' daily activities), I will have to concentrate on getting them settled before I can figure out what the heck I'm going to do there. I'd be starting over trying to network and finding a gym where I can teach that has a daycare that I can use and trust.
But he only plans on paying one extra thing: health insurance. Oh gee, thanks. He said he'd pay that and the child support would cover the rent. And basically I'd have to figure out how to cover the rest.
Typical. Why am I surprised? Now I am questioning what it is I'm doing, moving back to a place that I always disliked. True there are some positive things about moving there, but these mostly benefit him and the kids. I feel guilty even wondering, "What about ME?" But I'm wondering that anyway. Because I really don't know what to expect any more.
5 comments:
I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking about YOU too.
I honestly think you should stay where you are. My opinion, I know... but you started over. You have friends, a job, you are settled and enjoying life.
I don't understand why you have to pick up and move everytime he does. Maybe HE should be making decisions on others lives instead of his own.
Just my two cents :)
I cannot give you any advice on this because it is extremely complicated. You are going to have losses no matter which decision you make. Do put finances on the forefront and do try to get him to take the kids for more full weekends as it is his job as Dad. I do wish you the best and I can somewhat see his viewpoint on the job move thing because of this bad economy and that should give you some leverage on alimony. But you need to get something out of this too.
First thought..."Oh NO...Not again." Personally I think it is a big mistake. The kids are settled and have friends and a routine that they are happy with as you do. It's time you put yourself first because if you are happy, they will be also. A M-W-F visit seems to me to be something he feels he has to do not necessarily wants to do. He is still putting himself first in everything he is doing.
Wow, that's chicken shit of him to want to pay less for his kids... ugh.
I'm with Leesa on this one. But you gotta do what's right for you!
M~
Here is hoping that your holidays are not too disjointed with all that is going on in your life. Be like you kids and enjoy each day as it comes by. Happy Holidays!
Post a Comment