manababies

Yeah. So what.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 21:44:00 +0000

So. Part of the reason why I stopped blogging was because this no longer seemed like a suitable place to write down my thoughts. I was criticized for making my whining and complaining public, but then it is such a pain to restrict readers and require everyone to log in if they happen to be curious about what my latest issue is about.

Okay, so perhaps it all stems from my laziness (or my readers' laziness? teehee). But on the other hand, it's just in bad taste to air one's garbage. Even if this will all probably be read by no one, or by people I will never meet, or by people who will make no difference in the grand scheme of things.

When you really think about it, though... who cares? Some days I have a bee in my bonnet and I just have this urge to get it off my chest and I don't really care who knows what or what anybody thinks.

Or maybe I'm just bored. And that's what the problem is. I shouldn't be bored because my house is always a mess and there are numerous projects that have needed my attention for weeks, months... even (yikes) years. And of course, my kids are in school so I have all the time in the world to take pride in my home. I just need to get off the elliptical trainer, stop chitchatting so much with the members at the gym before and after the classes I teach, and focus on NOT being so damn selfish all the time. Because if I cared, then I would have a perfect home, free of dust and clutter, with every throw pillow neatly in line on the couch. Oh, and my children would be prodigies.

But no. I am lazy, selfish. And I don't even go to church on Sundays.

A train wreck, I tell ya.

...

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:20:00 +0000

Surreal

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 11:23:00 +0000

Perhaps that's the best word to describe what I'm feeling right now. Granted, I was up until 3 a.m. and found myself awake at 6 a.m., having acclimated to this new early back-to-school wake up time. It's certainly different the second time around, with responsibilities and children and treading lightly around ex's.

But I'm happy. And I honestly didn't expect a ring. After all, we have 5 children between us, and the mere number of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches they can potentially consume in one sitting would put anyone in the red.

So perhaps pleasantly surprised is a more accurate description. Though I don't feel the same innocent exhilaration I felt when I was in my mid-20's, wide-eyed, and naive (a more p.c. way of saying "clueless"), there is certainly a great deal of happiness to be found in feeling focused and settled. Finally.

And another thing.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:24:00 +0000

Yes, I have been doing some photography work. The key word there is "work". Funny how once it is considered "work" it's no longer as much fun. I forgot that I had my flickr slideshow on the sidebar. There you will see my personal trainer, who needed some shots done for his website. Lots of kittens, since Lila had a litter of four last May (two are still here, one of which is going to be leaving soon, I hope). And maybe a handful of instructor's children.

Though I shouldn't complain. I do still love photography. I think I'm just my own worst critic. And I don't like to be stuck to the computer for too many hours in the day... or night.

Right now...

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:02:00 +0000

Right now I am sitting in bed, having just devoured a small helping of cereal, waiting for the night time cold medication to work. I haven't had much time to pay attention to this blog, which is a shame considering all the work I have put into it through the years. The winters here in North Carolina just aren't enough to warrant a season long hibernation, which would give me time to do things like blog.

In truth, any time I do spend on the computer is often on Facebook, which may or may not be a good thing. Perhaps I justify that time more because there is usually something positive to be said about reconnecting and keeping in touch with friends and relatives, especially those who would otherwise be considered MIA.

Currently I'm teaching two formats at the gym, about 4-6 hours of classes a week. Monday is my most gruelling day because I am covering another instructor's morning class until the end of the summer. So Monday means three classes, though yesterday I taught four - two in the morning and two at night. If I didn't love it so much I probably wouldn't bother, but the members are what keep me going. Now I will be going to Florida for two weeks and I am not looking forward to being disconnected. But of course, everyone needs a break, even though it will mean having wet noodles for limbs when I return.

The kids spent the last 3 weeks in Illinois with their grandparents. Of course they had a great time. Their return meant "back to Boringville", as my oldest likes to call this place. I have my own childhood to compare hers to (as most parents like to do) so her whining is easy to dismiss. All three kids will be in school this fall... (insert happy dance here). Granted, my youngest will only be in preschool twice a week, but it will be SO nice to have those few hours to do a Walmart/Target/Costco run without the endless "I wants".

Well, this entry has to come to an end since my eyelids are growing heavy by the minute. And since I am no longer a seasoned blogger, I fear that this attempt at an update is going to bore the internet to tears.

Good night. :)

The pitter patter of little feet.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 18:41:00 +0000

Motherhood has taught me unconditional love. I'm not talking about the love a parent has for a child, since I think that's an obvious bond, but the other way around. No matter how often I make the wrong decisions, put my worst foot forward, and stumble, my kids love me anyway. Even on my worst days, all they need is a smile and a hug and I am still the best thing that's ever happened to them.

The three sets of innocent eyes, little hands, little voices. I can't help but wonder how much I don't deserve such blessings.

The tiring adventure

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 14:30:00 +0000

I just realized. I'm on the schedule for the gym every single day next week except for Sunday. Granted, I'm subbing a class on Tuesday. But still. That's a little nuts. So, just for kicks, here's my schedule, in case anyone wants to check out my classes. Hehe

Monday BODYPUMP 6:30 p.m.

Tuesday BODYFLOW 10:30 a.m.

Wednesday BODYPUMP 10:30 a.m.

Thursday BODYFLOW 10:30 a.m.

Friday BODYPUMP 10:30 a.m.

Saturday BODYFLOW 11:30 a.m.

A great combo, even if you're a participant. It'll be a good paycheck anyway. I think I'll buy me some new shoes.

What it is like to have your heart broken.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 18:39:00 +0000

There are certain songs that stay with me. One of them is Vivaldi's Winter. It's beautiful... and something that I would have wanted played at my wedding one day. But there is an element of delicate sadness to it, perhaps the anticipation of death as the frigid months bring a white blanket of snow over everything. And I remember on the coldest of days after a snowfall, there was always that deafening silence that had an eeriness about it.

I think about what would move someone to write something like this... his emotions forever recorded in history as a classic. And certainly everyone has their own interpretation of it. It once brought me happiness, especially when I heard it played at Edith's daughter's wedding a number of years ago -- in the summer no less.

What would bring someone such emotion that they are able to represent what he or she is feeling in a work of art? I always imagine that it would have to be such intense emotion, which would make one's heart burst because the sensation is so immeasurable and strong. If it's love, then that could be the most wonderful feeling. However, if it's heartache... how would one communicate this is a way that evokes such beauty.

For me right now it's nothing but a mixed up ball of barbed wire. Having to be careful where I reach for fear of causing even more pain. Cautious of who I turn to for help, for the sadness I feel can be too overwhelming for someone who doesn't know me well enough.

And that's where the loneliness sets in. Who do I turn to when all I want is for someone to sit in front of me and just listen, while I sip my glass of red wine, all my emotions numbed by Xanax and exhaustion.

I have the energy to be angry. But other emotions overpower this. Sadness. Fear. Loneliness. I wish I could write a song. It would not be as uplifting as anything written by Vivaldi. But maybe that can make other people understand what I feel right now.

Well. Whatever.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 17:19:00 +0000

I decided to make this blog public again. It really doesn't matter in the whole grand scheme of things, with the internet being as big as the universe and I usually don't have much earth shattering news to share about anyone or anything.

But what do I have to hide?

I decided to move back to Chicago this summer. When I make decisions based my kids, the decision is always easy to make. It's best for them. I can find another gym to teach at if I feel like it. I have friends and family there. I know where every Target is located and I can send the kids back to their old pediatrician. Familiarity helps.

As far as everything else. Whatever. I think that will be my attitude for most of 2009.

The countdown before his departure.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 01:55:00 +0000

Well. February 1 is his first day at his new job. Meanwhile, I keep hearing accounts of the horrid weather in the midwest, and the last thing I want to do is be a part of that. It's fairly chilly here in NC... yesterday it was a frigid 15 degrees outside, which I could barely stand. I can't imagine having to experience -15 weather. I still don't understand why anyone would choose to live in such conditions.

But then....

I remember those first breaths of fresh spring air. It's one of the things I loved about living in Illinois, when the seasons finally started to change.

Of course, I can't base a huge decision on the weather. There are the kids' needs, my needs, his needs, all of which seem to clash with one another. I honestly am not sure what's the best decision for all of us, and it changes on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, I'm just moving ahead with my plans. Why should I sit stagnant for 6+ months because my future is filled with uncertainty? I know it's going to take a while to get re-established. And perhaps I'm thinking too negatively when I tell myself that there is no way I will meet friends like the ones I have now. But I believe that for some reason. I just feel too tired to make that same effort to reach out to strangers... all too often I feel like it's a crap shoot. Here in NC it's as though I chose the correct one or two people to befriend, and everything else just snowballed quite easily.

So basically, there is nothing new in my life. I did train to teach a new program at the gym - BODYFLOW. And next weekend I plan on making the trek out to Charlotte to train in BODYCOMBAT (which is essentially kickboxing... I always get a funny look from people when I mention that... hehe). A lot of people think I'm a bit nuts to try and squeeze another program in there. But I want to be certified to teach in all three group fitness formats: strength, mind/body, and cardio. Maybe it's my way of trying to establish myself in this tightly knit fitness community, where everyone seems to know everyone. And despite already having quite a bit on my plate, I just feel like the timing is right. Sure I can wait for another time to take on something new... but why wait?

And really, what do I do all day? I recognize motherhood as a demanding job... but unlike a typical desk job, I have a lot of down time to memorize tracks. My kids can probably teach this stuff now too. :)

So... in closing... hmm, I don't have anything profound to say. Just keep warm and stay safe. And celebrate on January 20. :)

Happy New Year. Or something like that.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 06:02:00 +0000

I've come to the realization that 2 weeks in Florida at my parents' house is just the right amount of time to feel like I wish I hadn't stayed here for this long. By now my whole routine is completely out of whack. I haven't done any real exercise. I'm eating way too much food and have had seemingly nonstop indigestion for the past few days. And the kids... they are starting to drive me bonkers.

But of course, I'm sure soon after I get back home again I will be wishing I were back here. Only without the indigestion.

We missed the ringing in of the new year. Maybe that's symbolic of how our lives are right now. Sort of a blur because there are too many distractions that are keeping us from enjoying what otherwise could be memorable moments. So perhaps 2009 will be the year of getting rid of clutter. All those speed bumps that are keeping me (us) from truly living life. My kids' happiness is tied to my own, as any mom would know. Though I think they are doing pretty well most of the time, I always get this nagging sensation in my gut that I could be doing a better job. And so the first thing that has to go is the garbage that is stinking up our lives.

This year I will be 38 years old. I am in disbelief over how close I am to 40, for it seems just yesterday I was almost hitting 30. While I can't completely blame the ex for making me feel like I wish I could declare a big "DO OVER" for a good portion of my 20s, I'll be damned if I let someone else make me wish the same thing when I hit 40. It's not too late to change that. But in order to do this, I need to put the garbage in the dumpster, otherwise I'll constantly be tripping over it. Sadly, this is the sort of thing that just won't go away on its own. I have to give it the good drop kick to send it on its merry way. Ugh.

I know this will be an interesting year. I have a better sense of control of my life, even though there is that whole Chicago move thing hanging over me. Yes, the ex decided to take the job and his first day is February 1st. And I have no idea what this entails for me and my kids, but it had better be good or else I, or WE, will have nothing to do with it.

Excuse me while I think out loud here.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:44:00 +0000

I realized how much simpler the decision making process is when I make my decisions based on my kids. Move to North Carolina? Sure. Oh, now we're going back to Chicago. Let me think about this for a moment... um, okay.

The difference between now and then is back then I didn't have anything going on other than mommyhood. Now I have a photography business that is starting to take off. A gig at the gym. Girlfriends who love to sit around and drink wine and gossip.

Yet, I was willing to give up all of that just so the kids could grow up near their Dad.

However, I am starting to get those red flags. Saying things to me like, "GOSH I wish I had control of my life." in reference to his difficulty in making decisions because he has children to worry about, as though it suddenly occurred to him that he was a dad and had responsibilities that did not just revolve around him.

And here is the real zinger: we were planning on going through mediation next month. Fine by me. And it was about damn time. But now there is all this talk about moving to Chicago and I suggested we file for divorce in Chicago. He is insisting that we do it here. Reason being... he is entitled to FAR less child support. A dismal amount really. This was something I was willing to accept. I'd get on my feet, which I am finally doing now, and I'd manage wonderfully and finally become more independent.

But something doesn't add up. The cost of living in Chicago is SIGNIFICANTLY higher than it is here. So basically he is hoping to get away with paying less while we live in a place that requires more. Does he really think I'm that stupid??

And to add to this whole thing. I asked that he be as supportive as possible while I get resettled YET AGAIN. Because I am responsible for the kids full time (yes, he comes by MWF to hang out with them but none of this actually entails any thought into planning out the kids' daily activities), I will have to concentrate on getting them settled before I can figure out what the heck I'm going to do there. I'd be starting over trying to network and finding a gym where I can teach that has a daycare that I can use and trust.

But he only plans on paying one extra thing: health insurance. Oh gee, thanks. He said he'd pay that and the child support would cover the rent. And basically I'd have to figure out how to cover the rest.

Typical. Why am I surprised? Now I am questioning what it is I'm doing, moving back to a place that I always disliked. True there are some positive things about moving there, but these mostly benefit him and the kids. I feel guilty even wondering, "What about ME?" But I'm wondering that anyway. Because I really don't know what to expect any more.

Twists and turns.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 16:00:00 +0000

I have been living in North Carolina for over a year now. I hated it at first, mostly because I didn't know anybody which only lead me to isolate myself even more. Though admittedly it was nice to be in a metropolitan area, surrounded by universities and museums, movie theaters and Starbucks (or Panera if I was in the mood).

I finally decided last spring that it was time to come out of my shell and meet people. I did what I thought was unthinkable at the time and invited myself over to someone's house to take photos of her kids. We ended up becoming close friends. It's nice to know that I'm one of the first people she calls when she wants to hang out. I've never really had close girlfriends before... well let me digress... NORMAL girlfriends before... women who don't have weird hang ups or are excessively needy.

Then with all the things happening at the gym, I am starting to feel like I finally have my own thing going that has nothing to do with kids. Not that I don't love my kids or relish the time I spend with them, but I feel as though I appreciate and enjoy those times even more now that I have something to call my very own. Granted, I can't really live off of what I make as a fitness instructor, but there are certainly perks: the obvious health benefits, free daycare, free gym membership, and of course the endless networking possibilities. It has truly been a great way to meet new people and promote my photography.

So I think it was reasonable for me to fly off the handle when Nick called me the other day with his news: his old boss from Chicago had been interviewing people for a VP position at the American Medical Association. After 6 months, she hadn't found any potential candidates but she thinks he'd be a perfect fit. Basically the job is his if he chooses to take it. That's great for him... given today's economy. Not to mention, his company will probably be bought out next year. He will either be laid off or be required to relocate to Pennsylvania.

Well, when I got over my little hissy fit (or really, not so little hissy fit, for I really did not appreciate his expectation that I'd HAVE to move where he goes because we have children together), I have given this some thought. Moving back to Chicago certainly will have its benefits because we know people there. However, I made it clear to him that he needs to understand how this will impact me. Since I have the kids full time, it will be a challenge to get settled once again. Of course it will be easier since we know people there already, therefore things like finding a new pediatrician or where the nearest Super Target is located will not be an issue. But gosh, the thought of starting all over again. I don't like that. And I especially will not like it if he puts pressure on me to get my own thing going again. I don't think he quite understands how much of a challenge that is for me - kids or no kids.

Currently I am already scheduled to teach 5 days a week starting January. Technically I'm not suppose to be on the schedule because my certification hasn't gone through. I signed up to train for another program called BodyFLOW in a couple of weeks, which allow me to teach more classes since the program can be taught every day, and I have already been given a Saturday mornng class starting January. The only reason why this was made possible is because I've become close friends with the group fitness manager for all the North Carolina Lifestyle Family Fitness gyms. Plus my availability for daytime weekday classes has made me fairly valuable (well, in addition to being physically able to actually teach these programs).

Anyway, it's all re-doable, of course. It's just that I have been making HUGE efforts the past several months to do something with myself that I actually like doing. So many great things have happened as a result, and I'm pretty pleased with the way things have been going.

Well, minus the romantic aspect. Though the difference now is I no longer feel like I NEED someone. I'm perfectly happy doing my own thing, having my own schedule, my own life. I no longer worry about getting things done after the kids go to bed, whether it's laundry or cleaning or catching up with emails and the latest goings on via the Internet. Life just seems more simple like this.

Every night I go to bed with Isabella snuggled up next to me. This reminds me of what the best things in my life are at this moment. And life is pretty good when I let it be this uncomplicated.

Toddlerisms

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 16:12:00 +0000

Because of the different ages of my kids, there is usually a tug of war with the tv remote. The oldest likes The Suite Life of Zach and Cody (much to my chagrin), the youngest likes Caillou. So on the off chance we're home in the morning and the Baby asks to watch tv, it's usually a mad scramble for me to change the channel. Because the last thing I need is for another kid to get sucked into the Disney Channel. I don't mind the programming as much as all those darned commercials which almost always lead to an extreme case of the "I wants".

But of course, the tv remote is always missing. And I ask the younger two if they happen to know where it is.

"Isabella, where is the button?"

"The bunnnt?"

"Yes, the button for the tv. That way you can watch Noggin."

"There's the bunnt!" (Pointing to the dvd player.)

"Oh, so you call it a bunnt? Okay... where's the bunnnt."

"No, Mommy, not a BUNNNT. A BUNNNNT."

"Not a bunnnt? You mean a BUTTON?"

"Yes, a BUNNNT."

I should probably teach her the correct way to say "button". But I think I much prefer the toddler pronunciation.

Wow... what to say.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:07:00 +0000

I am sitting here on my laptop, waiting for Isabella to fall asleep. The old sleeping routine wasn't working so this is a new arrangement. I must say that for the most part it seems to work quite well. Although most of the time she is asleep by this time. Actually, she was 90% there, which I was almost certain of because her little feet stopped moving around while I lay next to her in the dark.

As luck would have it... or is it a Murphy's Law sort of thing... the doorbell rang.

You know, with today's technology you'd think that those who lack the common sense to ring my doorbell when he knows very well I'm trying to put the kids to bed would know to send an email or text message. Or at the very least pick up the phone and CALL FIRST.

So I had to immediately jump out of bed for fear that the older two kids would awaken, likely thinking it was already the crack of dawn rather than the middle of the night.

And of course, within minutes I could hear the pitter patter of little feet, searching the dark room for mommy. So she joined us. Me and my middle of the night visitor. We ate chicken noodle soup and cheese. Or rather, I'd say Isabella and I did. The visitor just stood at the kitchen counter eating his food, barely uttering a word. He knows I'm a stickler about sitting down so that you can appreciate every bite eaten at a meal. Yet, he always seems to take that same spot at the kitchen counter anyway.

At least Isabella and I had a nice meal together, giggling with every noodle she noisily slurped. I assume it was impossible for him to appreciate that since she isn't his kid. And then I started to wonder why on earth this asshole rang my doorbell at 10:45 p.m. if all he did was stand there, stone faced. Barely even able to muster up a smile over the cuteness of Isabella.

So here we are, 11:21 p.m. Me and Isabella. My plans for a long hot shower have been postponed. It would have to take place tomorrow, hopefully before anyone is awake. And God help this person if he rings my door bell before I have my first cup of coffee. Because I plan on enjoying it while sitting at the kitchen table. Perhaps with an English muffin or slice of toast. Relishing each and every bite.

I have a lot to write. Not so much to share with anyone what's been going on with me. But just a reminder to myself of how things are at this moment in time. The one word to describe it all: surreal.

Rushed, of course.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 11:17:00 +0000

It seems lately that I remember to write a new post in passing. Well, not really. I happened to wake up early, threw a load of laundry in the machine, and vacuumed the family room. Now I'm sitting here, which might very well mean I'm just procrastinating what I really need to be doing, and that is tinkering with the finances. It is somewhat humorous to me that even though the ex and I haven't been together for 2 years, he still expects me to wave my magic wand and fix the money situation whenever he decides to do things on a whim. In this case, it's a major repair on his car, which he decided to take care of asap. No planning or consulting with me as to what bills need to be paid (like in our RENT). He just went off and decided to fix the car.

So this is when I have to look into his account, which I don't really like to do because its none of my business. I can't help but see one transaction after another: eating out here, a weekend getaway there. I don't have say in what he does since it's his paycheck. But obviously trying to survive in our current living situation requires some sacrifice and he has not given up his daily soy lattes.

Anyway. I got that one out of my system. Even if it's for the sake of reading this a year from now and getting a good giggle out of how ridiculous some people can be. I hoped to be more independent at this point, which unfortunately isn't the case... YET. Maybe in a year I will be there.

So a couple of weeks ago I decided to take the plunge and train for BodyPUMP. It was an amazing three days and I walked away with a wealth of knowledge. It wasn't just about doing biceps curls perfectly, but learning how to connect with people, which is something I've had challenges with my whole life. Last night I "shadowed" for the first time, which basically just means getting up in front of the class next to the actual instructor and following along. It was fun, and I was antsy to don the microphone even though I technically can't until November. But I feel prepared to take on this new endeavor.

Too bad it doesn't pay much. Heh.

I do have a wedding to shoot this weekend though. I'm flying up to Boston to shoot a small wedding, which will be over by 4 p.m. Easy-peasy.

And now to awaken the troops. Well, after I finish my coffee.

In 13 minutes or less...

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:56:00 +0000

I have that much juice left on my laptop. I needed to find a quitting point so that I don't end up on the computer all day long, which is tempting to do on a cold, dreary day in Boston. But I need to hit the gym and finish up processing the photos from this wedding.

Yes, I'm in Boston. I flew up here with Shawn since he had to be here for work. My ex in-laws are staying at my house this week because they will be in charge of the kids during their visit. In other words, Nick will be around but on a very limited basis, just to put the kids to bed at night. I had to type up 5 pages of instructions, detailing everything from lunch box contents to driving directions to the Bruiser's school. Maybe I'm too type A of a mom, or maybe I just know how the grandparents are. It's a challenge for me even while pumped up with caffeine and endorphins. I'm not sure how these sedentary retirees will fare.

Anyway, they will be fine. Especially with the Princess there to tell them what to do. I just hope she doesn't succumb to their daily routine of sitting around and forgetting what time it is so that she can be late to everything. I am just a bit annoyed that the dad isn't stepping up to the plate now that he has this opportunity to spend some good quality time with each kid, which is a challenge to do when you're the only parent available.

But I will digress. It's the same old thing. The difference is... now it's not my concern. The kids are obviously more attached to me. But that's because I put them first. He does too... don't get me wrong. But he does it in his own convenient way.

This is my first stretch of free time in a while. Most of August and September has been a bit busy, with the dad either out of town for work (and pleasure) or sick with the sniffles. But I have to bury myself in this wedding and get it done... so I can get paid. (I know I don't rake in the salary like my ex so perhaps this is chump change to him... but that's beside the point, now isn't it?)

Anyway, I fear that I'm coming off as bitchy in this blog entry but I'm in a pretty good mood. The pool here is saline, a new alternative to chlorine. I'm curious to take a dip later on today, but this can only happen if I work up a sweat in the fitness room (a promise my made myself).

I have my BodyPump training on Friday so I guess I need to do some exercise before then. *sigh*

At the very least I have some time to think. How to lead a happy and productive life. First I need to reevaluate what I've done to contribute to the mess and just not do it any longer. :) It takes two to tango after all. I'd say the same for my marriage, though I don't think Nick has done much to improve himself. Just my observation.

Two minutes of juice left. I suppose I should log off now.

No news is good news. Right?

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 04:26:00 +0000

To be honest, the past month has been sort of a whirlwind, and even moreso now that school is in full swing. I was able to enroll the Bruiser in preschool - took the last spot available! - so that has added to the back-to-school buzz. It's a good thing though. Both he and his sister love going to school, and the Baby is always wishing she could go with them.

The only clincher is this preschool isn't that close to home. I'd say it's a 20+ minute drive, but then I can't complain because it's almost impossible to get your kid into a preschool program here, unless you're willing to pay up the wazoo at one of hoyty toyty schools, which I wasn't about to do. But the school is very close to the gym, so that's where I have been going while waiting the 3 hours. I guess it's time well spent, but there is only so much you can do at the gym from 9:45 to 12:15. Really. Plus I get there too late to take the 9:30 class, so I chit chat or hop on a cardio machine, which I know will get old after a while.

But ah, who cares... it's still free time. Most especially since the Baby doesn't complain when I take her to Target and she leaves empty handed.

In a couple of weeks I'm going to Rock Hill, SC to train for BodyPump, which is a class offered at the gym. I'm not really nervous about it since it's a class I've gotten to know fairly well since I started taking it in January. And it has done WONDERS for me. It's one of the more popular classes offered, with attendance sometimes topping 50 people crammed into the studio. So we shall see how this goes. It will be good to be paid to work out for a change... might as well since I'm at the gym for so many hours a week. My membership will be free, along with an upgrade. And let's not forget... the outfits are totally cute.

The area manager seems to want me to train for a few other classes when I can. So could this be that my next career move will actually be as a fitness instructor?

Well, I'd be elated if exercise can be that much engrained in my life - to the point where I'd actually be a role model for others since I'll be donning a mic and standing center stage in front of people. But I am also realizing that my bones are starting to ache. I often wake up with a sore back, though I don't really know why. Another instructor told me that I don't allow enough time to recover. Recover?? From what? :) If I don't work out, I'm a major crab... so I suppose it's a matter of finding some sort of balance there. And stretch when I can.

Well, off to bed. I fear that I will return to this blog entry tomorrow morning and find that I was completely incoherent in my last few mutterings. I'll blame the Tylenol PM and too much Chinese food in my belly.

Something positive.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:15:00 +0000

Yesterday I decided to go attend a different gym because a couple of instructors at my usual gym were teaching there. I didn't think anything of it... in fact, it turned out to be a great plan because I was able to drop the kids off at their dad's place, which was just minutes away from this place.

Upon my arrival I saw R and K, and they greeted me so warmly. I realized then and there that I am part of this circle of friends now, and it was a great feeling. They have both been encouraging me to head down the same path, telling me I have such great flexibility and great form, not to mention I can really push the weights in the weight training class they both teach.

Last night, however, it was this BodyFlow class I was attending (which basically is a combination of tai chi, yoga, and pilates), which K has been encouraging me to train for. If I can just get over my fear of being up on the stage, clad in spandex, with a mic on. Basically I haven't figured out how these people can work out in front of other people and TALK at the same time. I'd be utterly flustered.

So this is why I love the gym so much. I see K there all the time because she's the group fitness manager. Not only are they all in awesome shape, which is inspiring to me, but they're a very nice bunch of people. So something positive, of course. I have yet to be scolded for being at the gym for as many hours as I have been each day... but then, who's keeping track but me? :)

Buh-bye.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 23:07:00 +0000

To flickr, that is. Love the site, met so many wonderful people. But it's time to rethink some things. It was getting too overwhelming for me to keep up. And when I can stomach starting that whole thing back up again, I need to think of a different game plan. I don't know what though. Doesn't it seem like any computer-related hobby takes up a lot of time?

Hehe.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:02:00 +0000

Okay. I will try to make this a more frequent part of my day. It will be good for me anyway, or at least I try to tell myself that.

Today I finally got my North Carolina driver's license. This was after making several trips to the DMV because I forgot one form of ID or another, or I didn't have any cash (since they don't accept out of state checks... which is a whole other issue in itself). Today I didn't have my proof of insurance (which required yet another drive home to find it), and I NEARLY failed the test. But at least now I have a license which has the best photo of me to date. I guess there is something to be said about the 110-degree heat giving someone an effervescent glow in photos.

Now I'm off to the gym, after doing a last minute whirlwind clean up of the house. The older two kids come home today, after being away for nearly 3 weeks, first in Chicago with their dad's relatives, and then on a road trip with their aunt to visit other relatives. I'll be glad to see them, but I'm overwhelmed thinking about our "summer routine", since the older two kids haven't been home since the Princess got out of school June 10 because we left for Florida the evening of her last day of school. Needless to say, the kids have been busy. I have been busy. But not necessarily busy while together. So this should be interesting.

But one more month left and it will be time to head back to school. The Princess will be in 2nd grade, and the Bruiser will start preschool.

And I must apologized for a somewhat disjoined blog post. It is so hot today and I really can't think straight. Now time to do more sweating at the gym, dressed in these new workout duds I picked up yesterday that actually makes me look a little bit like a superhero. I decided to slather on some of my daughter's lotion that she picked up at the Target dollar bins, only to find that it's full of GLITTER. So now I really look like I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Gosh. One month later.

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:25:00 +0000

I have been pretty awful with keeping up with this blog. Oops.

The past few weeks have been a bit crazy. The Princess got out of school June 10 and that very day we left for Florida to visit my parents. My brother and sister were also there, so it was an extra special visit.

Only... we were ALL stricken with some sort of stomach bug that first week there. I usually seem immune to such things, but this time I was hit pretty hard. The only one who didn't get sick was the Princess, oddly enough.

During that time I was diligently working on two clients' photos as well as my website, and I think I pretty much exhausted ever bone in my body trying to get all of these things done. The remaining two weeks in Florida were spent relaxing, which most of you know I don't like to do even though I'm sure it was some much-needed rest.

Upon returning home, I wasn't exactly ready to jump back into the whole routine. Fortunately the kids went to Chicago with their dad to celebrate the 4th of July and his birthday. A week later the Baby returned with him, but the older two are driving back with their aunt, and should be arriving later this evening.

During my free time, I attempted to get some cleaning done around the house, as I was in a major purging mood. But instead the dual portal option for my website was added and I decided to do a completely different website for my wedding portfolio. I strongly feel that the marketing for weddings and portraits is completely different. And now I have a way to showcase more photos from the weddings I've photographed. I'm happy with it. But it took a long time to complete. Of course, now I feel like my original site (the one that features portraits) looks boring. Oh well.

I am back at the gym, though the first week was pure torture. Headaches, muscle aches, etc. etc. Taking three weeks off wasn't such a great idea. I did enjoy my diet of Cheetos and Diet Coke (along with mom's home cooking).

Well, that's all I've been up to. I can't believe the summer is half way over.

Anonymity

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 16:17:00 +0000

Well, I figured out the way to disassociate this from my professional work is to not link the two in any way. So the link was deleted. :) It just seems like such a PAIN to have a blog that is invite-only, as though the information I type out here is exclusive only to those who bother to read it. I don't have anything to hide, nor am I hiding from anyone. It's just work stuff and personal stuff needs to be separate.

This reminds me of someone I once knew who liked to have an online presence but always made an effort to hide from people. I don't know the purpose of doing that, other than to make oneself feel wanted when people try to search for you. But it's rather silly to be online, then to make yourself invisible so that you're there but not. Why bother? And really, who cares?

In all seriousness, though, I owe this whole REDO to the client whose wedding I am photographing this coming August. I was feeling rather down about my options. Like, okay, I went to school to be a graphic designer, did that for a while, then decided to be a mom full time. Now that I have to start earning an income again, I felt completely out of the loop. The only things I know how to do really well are changing diapers, cooking meals... and photography. I can also redesign the back of cereal boxes in my head but I honestly did not enjoy my short years as a graphic designer, mostly because of the long hours and relative lack of creativity.

So along came A, who was looking for a wedding photographer. She decided she wanted engagement photos done as well. I'm quite pleased with the shots I produced, and while redoing my website, searching my archives for content, I realized how much I have improved since I made my half hearted attempt at this last year. The talent out there is quite intimidating... there are so so so many good people I'd be competing with. But who says I can't be at that level one day?

At the same time an instructor at the gym asked me to photograph her boys, and I am hoping that many more jobs can come from that one contact. I was also approached by the program director at the gym about teaching BodyFlow, which was totally out of the blue since I've only taken a handful of yoga classes in my whole entire life. If I decide to train for this, I know it will be an invaluable way to meet new contacts, and hopefully a means to help build a clientele with the photography. I'm at the gym at least 15 hours a week, so I might as well get paid for part of that.

So that's that. I need to do more research on search engines to ensure people don't run into this when looking for Me the Photographer. In the mean time, I'm staying put.

(and thank you for the emails!)

Under lock and key

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 04:43:00 +0000

After some considerable thought, I have decided to make this blog private. It seems anyone can just Google my name and this blog would come up in some way or another. Since I need to start focusing on work and will be relying on people finding me through search engines, I'd much rather that they stumble upon my professional work rather than my personal mumbo jumbo.

I guess Blogger allows me to invite anyone to remain readers. Please send me an email at supermana at gmail dot com if you'd like to be on that list. I'll keep this message up for another week before locking things up.

Thanks. :)

Privacy

supermana@gmail.com (manababies) — Fri, 30 May 2008 16:26:00 +0000

Several months ago I decided to put restrictions on who could see my kids' photos on flickr. Through time I became somewhat lax with this, but I've decided I needed to be more diligent about it again. So that means that you will probably not be able to see these photos in the thumbnails up above unless you have a flickr account and I've given you permission to view these particular photos. I apologize for the inconvenience, but it's best to be safe than sorry. Of course, there are some photos that go beyond just merely recording day-to-day happenings, such as this recent one of the Baby:

To me, anyway, the tones came out wonderfully, as did the catchlights in her eyes. And she really was deep in thought about something... I wonder what?

Anyway, I guess this is just a heads up to those of you who might look at the photos every so often, in case you wonder why I stopped posting photos of the kids. They're there, just under lock and key. :)

On a happy note, I have a wedding booked this August... someone who actually found me on flickr! I am meeting with her and her fiance next week and hoping to book an engagement session. Why anyone would want to get married in August is beyond me, but perhaps by then (and after a few trips to Florida) I will have re-acclimated to the heat and humidity.

As far as my future goes, I think it would be downright stupid to do anything other than photography. I have the passion (and the gear!) for it, so why not? So perhaps this latest client coming along is a sign that I need to get off my bum and start promoting myself, something which I never fully pursued.

Of course, now I have this aching desire to redesign my website, complete with a new logo and watermark. *sigh*